We all live in glass houses

CHAPTER 39

How to deal with judgment by others – without losing your cool.

Hello my friends, welcome to Chapter 39 of the Sanguine Stories podcast. This month, we’re exploring Sanguine Element #5: Authenticity.

How to handle being judged [and be less judgmental, too]

I often say that living in Costa Rica is like being back in high school. The cliques, the gossiping, the mean girls.  There’s the guy who thinks he’s the big man on campus and there’s the girl who won’t acknowledge you even after several meetings.  And then there’s the incessant judging that goes on. And on. And on.

I just roll my eyes at all of it.

I’ve never been one that had to fit in.

Fortunately, I was friends with all the different cliques in high school so I had a well-rounded group of friends. Not so much the case living here in Costa Rica.

I once had these neighbors that judged me for every single thing that I did. They would offer their very unsolicited opinion on everything.  

From my decision to color my hair to my choice to NOT use drugs or drink excessively, to my lifestyle choice to not eat murdered animals, to even the bread that I chose to eat one day because I was in the middle of a move and I had no kitchen equipment at the new house and I thought, I know this bread is crap but it’s only for a few days. Peanut butter and jelly was a sustainable and appropriate choice in that moment.

I heard about my bread choice 5 times that week. 5 times.  It was like a dog with a bone that they couldn’t let go of.  No matter how many times I explained that it was a one-time purchase. On the 5th time, I finally pulled out my phone and showed a picture of my amazing raw gluten free seed, nut and sun dried tomato bread.

Well, that shut them down pretty quickly as at the same time, they were trying to convince me how amazing their basic white flour bread was that they baked.  And I’m sure it was but there’s no need to continuously judge me for buying a loaf of bread especially when I tell them it’s a one-time purchase and I’m aware of other better options.

Regarding my hair color, I color my hair not because OMG I’m getting OLD (which is what they assumed, that I had some issue with my age).  But because I like my hair to look vibrant and healthy and color helps accomplish that.  Plus, I color my hair like 2-3 times per year – I’m not getting it done every month!

Here’s the thing – we all make choices, every day.  Yes, as I’ve mentioned, I’d love it if people would stop hunting animals, stop eating meat, stop hating people or looking down upon people because of their gender, skin color, weight, where they live, their income level, their decision to not have kids or any other ism.

But I also have to understand that this is where they are in life.  These are the choices they’re making based on any number of factors.  Their upbringing, their culture, peer pressure, their own personal beliefs…

I would love for the world to become more open-minded, more accepting, more flexible, more kind and a lot less judgmental. And that starts with dropping the incessant and ridiculous judging of hair color and bread purchases.

I’ll add here too –

It also means not judging ourselves.

If that’s what those people were saying to me, about me, out loud, I can’t imagine the snippy little judgments they must say to themselves all the time.

As always, it starts with the self. If we can stop putting ourselves down, then we can also stop what we’re saying to others. And that puts us on the path to acceptance and compassion and lovingkindness.

I hope that at some point, we can all begin to see the Oneness in our world – that we are all One. Interconnected.

The oneness that I know already exists in each of us, we’ve just forgotten who we are along the way. Because life gets messy and sometimes it’s easier to put someone else down rather than face who we truly are. Our authentic selves. And to fix what we don’t really like.

So I will still keep showing up and asking people to stop judging others, and consider the oneness in ourselves and each other. It may be a far off reality but I believe it is still possible.  Little by little.

The Sanguine lesson:

There is no need to judge or put down others as that only diminishes your own inner light.

The people who judge me and my way of life, my choices (bread, hair color, not using drugs, whatever it may be), I could easily turn around and rip them to shreds based on their lifestyle choices. But that’s their life and who am I to say if what they’re doing is right or wrong.

So let’s start there.  Let’s remember, every time we speak and act, that we – all of us – live in a glass house. We are all perfectly imperfect. And as such, we should not throw stones.

Share the love…

I’d love to hear from you… How do you deal with people judging you? g

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chrissy gruningerChrissy Gruninger is an author and mindset coach. She mentors people on how to live their ONE beautiful life, wherever they may be. Her latest book, Lost and Found in the Land of Mañana explores her life in Costa Rica and both the challenges of working and living abroad as well as the beautiful life we can create from those experiences.

She loves her rainforest beach shack in Costa Rica, the sunshine and the rain and passionately believes that through intentional actions we create more happiness, health and harmony in the world. 

Her goal: to empower others to thrive in an imperfect world.